We wanted to stay out there because holy shit, it’s the Panama Canal. A minute or so goes by and we all “laugh” it off and light more cigarettes. Not a soul out there laughed at Smalls, because we all heard the same thing. Smalls dove to the deck of the ship (which is hard and metal) and the rest of us ducked and covered our heads with fear. It has creepy insects and snakes and various other animals. Panama is a great place with even better people, but it’s a jungle.
Before I go on, I desperately need you to know that we heard wings flapping. Specifically, my friend Smalls (swear to zeus, he looks like The Sandlot character Smalls) was attacked by this creature of the night. The ship is going through the first lock in the Panama Canal and I’m talking to my friends about random things when suddenly a bird (or so we thought) rocketed over our heads. I know right now you’re thinking, “it’s 2013, why don’t they use regular english?” Well, keep thinking that while I talk about something else, because I couldn’t tell you.Īnyhow, I’m on the smoke deck and it’s night time. There are more, but those are my favoritesīack on track: Ok, so in the Navy we have designated smoking area(s) on the ships and we call them “smoke decks” and we can only smoke there when, “the smoking lamp is lighted”, just so you know what I’m talking about. Seaman Seamandavis (I never met him but I saw him on our muster report or an attendance sheet if you will) Seaman Souflé (HAHAHAHAHA, THAT ONE KILLED ME) I swear to Zeus I’ve met these people in my life: The hilarity of some people’s names is fantastic. It’s what we have to use as a title, like Mister or Professor, or Doctor. I’m a young Seaman, yes Seaman, we’re called Seaman at first. I just want you to know that it was 2008. It’s 2008, which is really inconsequential. It’s Panama Canal transit number one in my first deployment. We’ll title this one “Holy Shit Mothman Prophecies!” Now let’s relive some of my better memories from the Navy. I don’t expect ANYTHING because of the military, but if you want to look good, don’t use me by saying you care about the troops. If you switch to poor people free edition YOU LOSE ALL THE WORK that TurboTax did for you in the super awesome military edition.
They force you too switch to poor people free edition or holy shit this is expensive edition. The issue is that once I got to the end, TurboTax WILL NOT let you file online with the Military Free Edition. It’s WAY better than the regular free version. They offer a Military free edition, which is sweet. With that being said, let me take this time to tell you how I hate TurboTax. Did I mention THAT THERE WAS A MAN WITH A SLOTH AND I TOUCHED IT RIGHT ON THE FACE? I did. Go drink local tequila in a whore house/dance club in the heart of Old town Cartagena, Colombia and then tell me what could be better. There might be a few others in there that I forget. OH! I’VE BEEN TO COLOMBIA, GERMANY, ITALY, SPAIN, GREECE, PANAMA, COSTA RICA, GUATEMALA, JAMAICA, THE BAHAMAS, HONDURAS, BAHRAIN, QATAR, AND PERU. In fact, I enlisted because I hate school and the military pays pretty well if you factor in the benefits.
I didn’t enlist for “mad props” and that sort of thing though. I appreciate when people thank me for me service and I’m glad it brings them a bit of joy when they imagine me slaying terrorists so they can live free.
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